It is hard to write this page. This page is intended to describe why it is hard for me to write: the mechanism, which is the Anxiety Avoidance mechanism at work; and importantly just how much can be hidden on the superficial surface level.

What Is Self Protecting

Consider Anxiety Avoidance. It is there to protect from 'bad stuff'. When working properly, it is the mechanism by which we avoid stepping in front of a car, or burning our home down, and all those other myriad ways of bringing on avoidable hardship. That is what it is meant to do, and that is why it is there. But in my case there are problems, which are hard to describe. One of which is that it is very hard to even talk about. It has taken a long time for me even to be able to write this.

The trouble is that if overriding or bypassing Anxiety Avoidance is seen as a pathway that may lead to 'bad stuff', then Anxiety Avoidance will penalise those pathways, making them hard to follow. Since talking about Anxiety Avoidance and its Self Protecting nature may lead to bypassing Anxiety Avoidance, and that in turn may lead to 'bad stuff', so talking about Anxiety Avoidance and its Self Protecting nature are also penalised. As such, then, Anxiety Avoidance manifests as a growing 'black hole' of 'no go' areas in my Mind, often akin to impassable barriers, hence the metaphor of 'invisible walls' that make up an Invisible Maze.

And That's It

That's about all I am able to explain about this. Even taking steps to get somebody else to read this will take a little effort. But countering this mechanism is a long, slow, arduous process of baby steps, making one little dent after another. It is a bit like the story from The Shawshank Redemption, where the protagonist Andy Dufrane tunnels out of his cell by using a tiny rock hammer to dig a hole through his cell wall one pocketfull of gravel at a time.